Authentic Courtney

I have continuously talked about what has happened to me since my spiritual awakening.

I have talked about what I’ve gone through. What I’ve lost. What I’m struggling with. What I’m trying to build. What I need. What would make my life better.

I put my life out there because I promised myself and my maker I would never be quiet about my awakening.

I continuously talked about how fucking miserable I was in my relationship.

I wasn't hiding it. I was telling people, in real fucking time, that I was unhappy and things weren't working.

But when you're IN something, sometimes you can't see what somebody standing outside of it can.

Sometimes you need a fucking friend to say:

“Courtney, you've been telling me you're miserable for months. Maybe this isn't working for you.”

“What do YOU actually want?”

“Can I tell you what I'm seeing?”

“How can I help?”

Not even my therapist, who I talked to the most, ever said something like that to me.

What the actual fuck?

And that pattern has continued.

I've basically lived in a fucking fishbowl while trying to rebuild my entire life.

I've talked about how completely dysregulated I am living RV park life surrounded by different people all the time.

I've talked about being sexually harassed here.

I've talked about not feeling comfortable or safe.

I've talked about not having a car.

I'm literally stranded in an RV park in a town I fucking hate and never wanted to be in.

I've talked about money.

I've talked about trying to turn my business and ideas into something that can support me.

And now I'm losing a fucking tooth I don't have the money to fix.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to build something from NOTHING while you're struggling just to keep yourself together?

To create when you're exhausted?

To make content, build websites, sell things, solve problems and plan a future while your nervous system is constantly reacting to the environment you're living in?

And yet I KEEP FUCKING TRYING.

I keep getting up.

I keep creating.

I keep making videos.

I keep coming up with ideas.

I keep trying to build businesses.

I keep trying to find a way forward.

And I'm not asking anybody for a fucking handout.

There are 230+ products in my store. There are sessions. There are things I've created and things I'm selling.

I've built ways for people to support me while actually receiving something in return.

Buy something. Book a session. Share my work. Watch my videos. Introduce me to somebody. Tell somebody what I'm trying to build.

I'm trying to create my OWN way out.

And still, nobody fucking reaches out to me.

Nobody talks to me.

Even my parents point toward each other. My dad thinks maybe I should go to my mom. My mom thinks maybe I should go to my dad.

I'm 51 fucking years old and somehow that makes me feel like a little kid again while everybody figures out who else I can belong to.

That little kid doesn't hear logistics.

She hears:

“Not me.”

And holy fuck, that hurts.

But moving back to Ohio isn't what I'm trying to do anyway.

I don't consider moving back to Ohio part of my purpose.

I don't need somebody to figure out where to PUT me.

I'm not a fucking problem that needs somewhere to go.

I need somebody to ask:

“Where are YOU trying to go?”

“What are YOU trying to build?”

“How can I help you get THERE?”

Because so much of the “help” offered to me starts from the assumption that something is wrong with ME.

I'm fucked up.

I'm broken.

I'm angry.

I'm bitching.

I'm crying.

I need to get over it.

I need to be more practical.

No.

I know who the fuck I am.

I know what my spiritual awakening meant to me. I know how extraordinary and life-changing it was for me.

And I am willing to share the beautiful AND the fucking devastating parts because I believe my experience can help other people.

I'm trying to take everything I've gone through and fucking DO something with it.

Maybe I'm angry sometimes because some fucked-up shit is happening.

Maybe I'm crying because I'm fucking overwhelmed.

Maybe I'm dysregulated because my ENVIRONMENT is dysregulating.

My circumstances are not the totality of who the fuck I am.

I'm not asking anybody to save me.

But sometimes you need a fucking friend.

Somebody outside the mess who says:

“I see something you might not be able to see right now.”

“What do you want?”

“How can I help?”

Not take over.

Not fix you.

Not decide where you should live.

Just fucking care.

I wasn't silent.

I wasn't hiding.

I've been telling you exactly what was happening to me the entire fucking time.

You didn't have to guess.

I was talking the entire fucking time.

And somehow I've never felt more alone.

That's the fucking truth of where I am today.

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 4

Authentic Courtney

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 2

Authentic Courtney

I'm grateful I get to be me. 🖤

All the lessons, the dark night of the soul. Few people get to meet themselves where I have. I know who the fuck I am. FINALLY.

I crashed out so many times since my spontaneous Kundalini Awakening. I've been put through so many tests and challenges, and each time they were hard, I know it was me who made them harder. I'm thankful for all of it. I finally see why. I was in a bad cycle of not choosing myself, but when I finally did, things just started clicking together.

I choose me forever and ever, time and again, because I know exactly who I am and what I'm here for. I'm not ever again going to try to explain myself to anyone. If you don't get it, we're not aligned, and that is completely okay. ✌🏻

I promise to share as much as I've learned from this day forward, because I've been my own guide throughout this journey. It's been scary, devastating, and I did this shit all alone, with occasional help from mostly STRANGERS who get it. It'll never be the people you think it will be, or maybe that was just the lesson I needed to learn. All of our paths are different and unique to us. I hope you remember that when you're quick to judge something you don't understand.

No framework fits entirely what I've experienced, which is why I've both explored and rejected so many. I am far too expansive, and frameworks are very limiting.

A related side note: there are few English words that describe deeply mystical experiences. I researched this after my awakening, and the reason is that huge blocks of Sanskrit that would have described it were never even translated into English. Crazy, right?

It truly is my mission to help as many people as I can, and there's no better way to start than by making myself unwaiverable, growing my vision and purpose, and publishing my books. My bucket list consists of things I was shown in a vision, and it's my life goal to create it.

So watch me. I didn't go through what I just went through to do anything other than RISE. Like a fucking Phoenix. 🔥

Even I don't know what's in store for me, but it'll be fucking epic, because I've got a pretty strong fucking team backing me. 💪🏻

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 2

Authentic Courtney

It’s funny how many people have opinions about what I should and shouldn’t do without ever talking to me or trying to understand what I've experienced and what I’m actually building.

Meanwhile, complete strangers are showing up for me.

Life is fucking interesting.

1 month ago | [YT] | 4

Authentic Courtney

I’m looking to connect with more awakened souls. ✨

If you’ve experienced a spiritual awakening, Kundalini awakening, dark night of the soul, or you’re somewhere in the middle of trying to understand what the hell is happening to you — I want to talk to you.

Maybe you’re brand new to the journey and looking for someone who understands.

Maybe you’ve been walking this path for decades and have wisdom to share.

Maybe you’re somewhere in between.

I want to start having more real conversations — YouTube Lives, podcast episodes, and conversations with people actually living through awakening and integration.

No gurus. No pretending we have all the answers. Just humans comparing experiences, sharing what we’ve learned, and talking openly about the parts of awakening people don’t always talk about.

If this is you and you’re open to having a conversation with me, comment below or message me.

Let’s find each other. ❤️

1 month ago | [YT] | 3

Authentic Courtney

Thanks for 1500 subscribers to my crazy life. I appreciate you ♥️♥️♥️

1 month ago | [YT] | 9

Authentic Courtney

Rise and shine 🌞

1 month ago | [YT] | 2

Authentic Courtney

Someone left this comment on one of my YouTube videos a few weeks ago, and I keep thinking about it. I think it's important enough to share here.

“Like a good poem…
Imagining is the magic of the universe,
People don’t use it but I wish they would,
Peoples head are a mine of gold,
Only wish they knew they could.”

Thank you, @Hambam123, for leaving this for me. ❤️

“People's heads are a mine of gold. Only wish they knew they could.”

Imagine what we could create if more of us actually understood that.

2 months ago | [YT] | 0

Authentic Courtney

You can book an hour of my undivided attention.
No agenda. No pretending. Real conversation.
authenticcourtney.com/talk-with-courtney/

2 months ago | [YT] | 4

Authentic Courtney

I clean up 😜

2 months ago | [YT] | 5